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Stuck Patterns

 

When driving back and forth to work at the hospital there would be times I would look around and ask myself, how did I get here? The way was so familiar that my mind was on autopilot. I would joke that my car knows exactly how to get there without me. But when I would be on a new road or a new route to get to an unfamiliar place, I need to pay attention and be alert to my surroundings. Have you ever found yourself in this autopilot mindset?

 

We would like for our life’s transition to be like putting on an old comfortable hoody because it is the comfort and familiarity it offers. In transition we can easily find ourselves caught in repetitive thought and behavior patterns, like an old comfortable hoody, because they also bring familiarity in all things that seems unfamiliar. Stuck patterns keep us in ruts which lead us to disconnection from others and from God. They form when our mind, tries to cope with stress, uncertainty, and the pain of transition. This can feel like protection or familiarity, but it actually stifles our growth and adaptability. The problem lies in that these patterns aren’t just unhelpful thoughts—they’re ruts that keep us in unproductive or harmful cycles due to our deeply seated assumptions and reactivity.

 

An Unproductive or Harmful Cycle.

 

Transitions are hard because they also bring loss. One of our first questions that is a normal response is, ‘Why?’ 

Why God?

Why has this happened? 

Why didn’t you stop this? 

Why are these people causing all this hurt? 

It is important to ask why as it gives voice to our loss. The danger though is getting stuck in the why questions as they begin to breed fear and doubt. Fear that there is something wrong with you. You doubt God, who He is and what He has done and is doing. These fears and doubts cause you to get stuck in this unproductive and harmful cycle because you may never learn the answer or understand the ‘whys’ you have. These ruts drive you further away from God instead of running to him. Thus, leading you to disconnection from God, from others and even with yourself toward a dead end.

 

So how do you start to notice and get out of stuck patterns?

 

One way is by being curious and kind to yourself as you ask the Holy Spirit to search you, your thoughts, and your heart as He reveals to you the assumptions and reactivity that keep you in a stuck pattern (Psalm 139:23-24). Another can be to ask a trusted friend or family member to share with you a stuck pattern they have noticed.

 

If you are stuck in the why questions, begin asking, ‘How?’ The how questions orient you in a totally different posture. How begins to open you up to relationship. 

How is God inviting you to walk in this reality that you find yourself in? 

How are you going to walk with God? 

How are you going to walk with others in the midst of this? 

 

This posturing orients you to connection and relationship with yourself, with others, and an invitation to a deeper intimacy with God.

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