Reactivity

Transition is like putting a complex and challenging puzzle together. Some of the pieces seem like and even look like they fit in a particular place, so you continue until you get stuck. You become frustrated and annoyed because you have spent all this time and energy into putting this section of the puzzle together and now you must find the piece that is in the wrong place. Reactivity becomes one more piece of complexity that we face in transition. It is how we manage our reactivity to know whether we are connecting or disconnecting in our relationships.  

Let’s discover what is reactivity. The working definition from Meriam Webster Dictionary is done in immediate response to something especially without thinking or planning.

 

Reactivity is another core relational dynamic that can disconnect us with ourselves, with others, and with God, our Immanuel. It can become a numbing agent that blocks our connection and awareness to God’s presence within us and in our current situation because we are being self-reliant, our own power, our own strength, and our own resources. Our self-reliance blinds us to notice that God is near and at work. Reactivity breeds reactivity and can spread like the common cold.

 

If connection and relationship is what we long for and need during transition, it is important for us to begin noticing what triggers our reactivity. Steve Cuss shares in his book, The Expectation Gap, that there “are three signals to notice for triggers that cause us to be reactive: 1) Your anger, 2) Your shame, and 3) Your core values…We get either bigger or smaller than human-sized.” In transition our stress levels and emotional needs are higher, and our capacity levels are usually lower so reactivity can occur more frequently. 

 

Here is starting point of where to begin noticing how you react when triggered. Take a moment and recall the last time your core value was provoked, you were angry, or filled with shame. Pause and notice. Did you get bigger than human-sized, like becoming a mama bear or an attacking shark? What did that look like and feel like to you? Did you get smaller than human-sized, like becoming a hidden turtle in its shell or a hedgehog becoming a ball? What did that look like and feel like to you? When this happened, how did your reactivity impact your relationships with others, with God, and with yourself? Depending on the situation or circumstance can depend on how you react but this is a great first step towards managing your reactivity triggers.