Assumptions

 

What do you see in this painting? What I see and what you see can be completely different things because our minds fill in the gaps to help us interpret what we are seeing and to give meaning. 

An assumption is something that is accepted as true or taken for granted without proof or evidence. In other words, assumptions play a key role in how we make meaning out of things, particularly when we have incomplete information. We think we know but we do not really know. 

 

How much do assumptions affect our relational health? Assumptions profoundly affect relational health by influencing how we communicate, trust, connect emotionally, and resolve conflict. The key to maintaining relational health is being mindful of our assumptions, challenging them when necessary, and engaging in open, honest communication to foster deeper connection. 

 

In working with families, especially kids in helping them to process their lived experiences in a debrief, I often have them draw and paint. When the kids show me what they have drawn or painted, my mind wants to interpret and make meaning to what I see. But it is crucial to give space to allow the kids to tell me what they have drawn or painted and for them to share the meaning behind it rather than for me to assume it. This fosters connection, understanding, and validation of the kids' lived experiences. If I were to comment to the kids how I interpreted their artwork it would be based on my assumptions and in turn I would be disconnected with the kids. 

While assumptions help us make meaning and act more efficiently, they can also lead to misunderstandings or misinterpretations if they are inaccurate or unchallenged. In the book, The Expectation Gap, Steve Cuss states, “Assumptions almost always put us in a false reality, an illusion. It is profoundly difficult to relate to humans and to God when we are living in an illusion because we are no longer connecting with them based on what is true. Instead, we are living in reactivity and operating out of what we think we know but actually do not know.”

 

Transitions are hard. They become more complex and challenging when we hold onto unhealthy assumptions that puts us into an illusion. Our assumptions can lead us down this road wrought with emotional turmoil, communication breakdown, missed opportunities because of resistance to new experiences, imposter syndrome, conflict of our beliefs, failure of curiosity, rumination, isolation from others, God, and self, and question our faith and purpose. Thus, becoming more and more isolated and disconnected.

 

In this season of transition that you find yourself, are you living in an illusion, operating out of what you think you know but do not really know? Take some time to pause and reflect on what assumptions you have that are creating a disconnect within yourself, with others, and with God? By noticing your assumptions, you are lessening their power, which can foster connection, awareness, and presence with yourself, with God, and with others.