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Re-Entry: Planned & Spontaneous


 Re-entry, whether it is a forced decision, or a decision made freely there are still aspects that can be planned for and others that are spontaneous and they both bring grief and loss.

My first re-entry was after finishing my committed time of service and even though I wanted to stay, I knew that my assignment was completed. I had many farewells and got to do some things knowing I may never be back to that country and to spend good quality time with my friends. I thought I would go back into nursing but really did not know what my future held for me. I was completely burned out and had compassion fatigue that led me to pivot by taking the time to care for my well-being through debriefing and counseling. The time back in the US ended up being like a sabbatical to not only rest but also to seek the Lord in what his plan was for my life. I still thought it would be nursing in a hospital setting in the US. Instead, he sent me to another country to do nursing.

My second re-entry I had an inkling that I would be finishing my assignment in the near future to be close to my family as I was in the decision-making process to stay or to go. But it did not go as I had been thinking of how I would like to finish my time. A world pandemic was happening, and I had 48 hours once I decided to wait out the pandemic in the US to get things in order and pack. My plane to leave the country was grounded because of curfew restrictions and rescheduled for the following day which ended up being the next to last flight out of the country before the borders closed. The pandemic lasted longer than expected and kept changing my timeline to return and finish out my assignment that later caused me to finish my assignment from the US.

With both re-entry experiences, I was able to plan some things but often my plans got hijacked, and I would have to pivot.  It was a harder ordeal to pivot in my first re-entry because of the state of my well-being, adding more layers of complexity and not having a support system in place. Although there was a world pandemic in my second re-entry, the state of my well-being and having a good support system in placed helped me to navigate and manage those ups and downs. 

I lean higher towards the tendency to plan because of the sense of control it gives me whereas when spontaneity arises through pivoting, I can easily be overwhelmed, disoriented and the loss of control can bring insecurities, doubt, and lack of confidence to surface. Taking the time to acknowledge, name, and validate my emotions and losses provides space to grieve the losses and process how I am being impacted. Thus, helping me to navigate through what might be expected (planned) and better manage the unexpected roadblocks (spontaneous pivoting) aspects of re-entry.

Are We There Yet? Navigating Re-Entry is a facebook group for those in the re-entry journey to have a supportive community of likeminded people.

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