Language Loss

 

Have you ever experienced a time when you lost your confidence or being competent that it affected your identity?

 

In the excitement and adventure of finally being able to do the assignment that I felt God had assigned for me, I did not realize nor anticipate all the losses I would encounter along the way. My focus primarily was on being part of a team and being able to use my gift and skills of nursing to care and love on those kids. Those first few years as I was learning the Spanish language and culture, I did not realize nor understand the effect of not being able to communicate professionally would have on my personhood. 

 

In caring for the kids at the children’s home, I could do what needed to be done for them medically without needing to communicate professionally.  When they needed to go to see the doctor, I would try to communicate what the complaint and the symptoms were to receive the care the kids needed, but what ended coming out was me speaking in toddler-like talk. I was able to understand what the doctor was saying to me usually but when I would try and communicate, I would sometimes just get blank stares because what I was saying came through as mumble jumble to their ears. There were times when the teens would try and translate what I said to the doctor.

 

It was very frustrating, difficult, and humbling since I knew what I wanted to say, and yet it wasn’t being communicated in that sense. There was a period of time I lost my confidence and competency as a nurse especially when speaking to doctors because of not being able to communicate professionally what I could if I was talking in English. Isn’t this what I came to do? All I ever wanted to be since a little girl was a nurse and now, I am questioning my abilities as a nurse. I sure don’t feel like I am a nurse when I cannot communicate and advocate for the kids. Being a nurse has been a part of my identity for many years, so now who am I? All these thoughts and questions and doubts began whirling around in my mind and it wore me down mentally. At the time, I did not realize that this was a loss and that it is normal when learning a new language.

 

When we are in a season of new learning such as a new language, new job, new role, new place, etc. there is a period of time where we may experience loss. It is normal. Stop. Name and acknowledge the loss or losses. Validate the emotions you are feeling. You do not need to do this alone. Care and be kind to yourself. Find the support you need.