This is the fourth relational dynamic that can impact our relational health, often leading us to feel disconnected. In relationships—whether with others, with God, or even with ourselves—we all encounter challenges. Our instinct is usually to come up with solutions to address or manage these problems. Yet, we often don’t realize that the assumptions we hold and our reactions to the issue can shape these solutions. Sometimes, rather than helping, our solutions make things worse.
Think of a time when you had directions to reach a destination but ended up getting lost. Maybe you tried to solve the problem by checking the map yourself or asking someone nearby for help. Despite your efforts, you might have found yourself even more frustrated, confused, and disoriented as the directions (your attempted solution) didn’t actually lead you to your destination.
Attempted solutions can sometimes keep us from moving forward, making the situation worse by creating a cycle of disconnection. These stuck patterns often become our default approach.
Recognizing these unhelpful solutions is key. By becoming aware of when they’re leading us toward disconnection, we can shift course and choose actions that foster connectedness instead.
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